A New Life, New Town, & New Landscape Part I

      I haven't posted anything for a while because for the past few months we have been in the process of moving.  There have been many times that I have had spurts of ideas—things to say—but I didn't feel the freedom to sit down and explore the rest of the story.  For whatever reason, the majority of my creative moments have occurred when I can be by myself and let go of the things that weigh me down. 

     The past month I have juggled packing and unpacking, taking care of my husband, and starting a jewelry business.  Adding to that are health issues that interrupt and impose on my life.  I do my best to wrestle, faithfully, with the inclination to give-in to the fatigue and pain.  But, sometimes my body betrays me.  When it does, I relinquish my plans and surrender.  Afterwards, I am reminded that I am not omnipotent and that the "will" doesn't always win.

      As I seek to find the good in a difficult situation, I resolve to embrace and be content with what God gives.  At the same time I pray and war against the forces that try to keep me shut up, shut down, and shut out of the fullness that God has provided.  With that, I let go of the tendencies of the flesh that deter and distract me.  My struggles, to name a few, are perfectionism, self-criticism, and pride (e.g., opinions and desires that attempt to exalt themselves above what God gives). 

     With each day I hold out my hands to receive whatever God has chosen to give me.  His gifts always come with an ample dose of grace.  His grace upon my life means that everything has been filtered through His loving hands, and He has not given me anything that I can't handle.  All of this has been a lesson in gratitude.  I'm learning to be grateful for what God gives and calls “good”. 

     Further, if it is indeed good, then I must embrace Him and the life that He gives.  Life is good.  Life is good!

     Even now, right now, that concept sits and marinates upon my heart.  I inhale and exhale.  I look up and realize that the air about me is clean and free—free from anxiety and alarm.

     I keep hearing, “It’s the process—the process!”  He’s telling me that deliverance is a process.  It's a journey whereby we are being transformed and transported from glory to glory!  

     Despise not the process.  Enter into His rest—the rest that He has provided.

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Shabbat Shalom, a Sabbath of wholeness, safety, soundness, health, prosperity, tranquility, contentment, and peace.

     

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Are You Ready To Do Something? Part IV

“My son, if you accept my words and treasure up my commands with you so that you make your ear attend to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding; for if you cry for discernment, lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver and search for her as hidden treasures, then you would understand the fear of יהוה (Yahweh) and find the knowledge of Elohim.”

~Proverbs 2:1-5, The Scriptures Version

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Now I know better.  Don’t discount the journey!   

The journey makes us who we are.  And, it is our teacher if we receive it as such. 

It shows us what we’re good at and what we enjoy doing.  

It provides the framework for us to learn to be faithful in the things that He has set before us.

That’s probably the most important attribute to have in God’s economy—being faithful in the small things. 

Further, I believe that the journey is full of much-needed preparation for walking in maturity.  

I think that sometimes, we underestimate the depth and weight of maturity. 

In our longing and waiting, it’s easy to lose sight of God’s highest objective—that we be like Him.

And, who, in their heart, would refuse or diminish the richness and purity of being approved, shown faithful by our Creator?

Most of all, I know that God’s hand has woven, in love, every thread of my journey with His watchful eye. 

Now, I understand that the journey was needed to get me to let go of what I had been holding onto. 

I didn’t see the walls I had built that defined my life—the way I thought it should be—leaving little room for Him to move and create His vision for my life.  

I held tightly to them.    

Moreover, I now value and attend to God’s plans for my life. 

I will probably never fully understand, on this side anyway, why He chose the path that He did for my life.

However, the longer I walk with Him the more I understand that He is indescribably creative.  His greatest work is in the coloring outside the lines. 

But, if you had tried to explain that principle to me as a young woman, I would not have understood what it meant, much less appreciate it.

Yet, thanks to God’s loving inner-workings, I am transformed into someone so unique and breathed by the spirit of God.  And, He has extracted the religiosity and immaturity that kept me from relating to most people in this world. 

It came with a price, though.  From arduous exercises of living outside my comfort zone, crucifying my flesh over and over again, He molded me.

Though I can’t see the full picture of where He’s taking me, I am at peace. 

Now I know, not just in my head but in my heart, that His plan is better than anything I can dream or imagine.  The Bible says in Isaiah 55:8 that His ways are higher than ours, and His thoughts, they are not ours.

Sometimes I get weighed down with the things I don’t understand.  It’s not hard to do when we only see in part, through a glass dimly lit.  But, if we stay in that place, in that depraved condition, we miss so much.  Yes, even His best plan for our lives. 

And, if the life-giving sustenance, the very flame of His spirit and power, comes from our willingness to move with Him, we must press onward and leave behind those things we don’t understand.

Once He has given us a vision, a calling, we are responsible for taking steps towards fulfilling it.  His gifts and callings are without repentance.

He doesn’t take them back.

They, just like His Word, go forth from Him for His purposes. 

We are, therefore, stewards.

God has an appointed time for all things, and all things are purposed by Him. 

So, here I am with open hands for Him to fill.  I know that His time is here now, and He will give me something beautiful.  For, He makes all things beautiful in their time. 

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Do you feel that in certain areas of your life God has abandoned you? 

As believers we know that we are not alone.  God has said that He will never leave us, never forsake us. 

As we grow we see His hand of love in those tender places in our hearts more and more.

For me, the process has taken longer than I’d like.  But, it’s all been good.

I trust God’s word that says that all things work together for my good. 

To my surprise, on this journey I have already met others who are in the same place.  They don’t know exactly where their “desires of the heart” will take them.

But, what they do know is that they are walking away from that which what was not life-giving and uniquely prepared for them.

Are there steps that you can take today toward your dream?  What are some long and short-term goals that you can make today?

Write the vision and some achievable goals to accomplish this week.  You may not have the full picture yet, and that’s OK.  It is important that you do something!

Take care not to abandon or abort that which He has put in you. 

Begin to cry out to God.  His word says that if we ask for wisdom, we will receive it

If it is courage that you need, reach out and borrow some from another.

If it is a resource, counsel, or accountability that you need, make your desires known.  Ask for help. 

Lay your burdens and desires at His feet, and He will make something beautiful of it all. 

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Are You Ready To Do Something? Part III

As the struggle persisted, I became more vulnerable to the opinions and criticism of others, as well as the closed doors in its wake.  

At that time I didn’t realize that much of my frustration was the result of my own weakness—my vanity.

My pride was on the line, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

But, now understand more about the Kingdom of God. 

According to Romans 8:28, all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. 

And, if I have died (to myself) and been raised again, there is no shame.  

Someone once said that the only thing to be ashamed of is sin.  And, I have treasure those words ever since.

For many years I harbored pain and disappointment because God didn’t give me the life I imagined.  So, I rendered Him passive and uncaring.

However, now I see that it was I who abandoned Him.

Permit me to explain.  

His word says that His ways are higher than ours, and His thoughts are not ours.  He withholds no good thing from those who love Him.  

He has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness.  

So, why had I been discounting the journey?  

Why had I been looking and reaching for a life that was somewhere in the future—as if the "blessings of God" were there, not here?

It always bothered me when Christians talked about "finding God's will" for their lives.  They made it out to be something complex and laborious, as if God were hiding it from them.   

And, then there were those who spoke of “fulfilling their destiny", in ministry or otherwise, with such spectacular and sensational vernacular.  For some, it was more along the lines of a fantasy—resembling nothing in their current lives.

I could never reconcile the disconnect—the incongruence, and most of all, the respecting of time.

Their destiny was never something they were experiencing in the now, but it was out “there”. 

It was something intangible, something to be acquired, to be obtained.

Yet, God was showing me that I, too, was like them.

I had been deceived in thinking that my discontentment was justified because I was on my way to something better. 

Certainly God understood! 

I thought. 

Wasn’t it OK to despise my condition?

I mean, wouldn’t my thoughts and dialogue with God mimic those of the people of the Bible who harbored a dream, a vision given to them by God?

Couldn’t they commiserate with me? 

What about Joseph?  He held his dream in his heart for years while suffering in prison.  What about Sarah and Abraham?  They were given a promise at, what seemed like, the most inopportune time, and then told to wait for their child of promise.

There’s no doubt that they could relate to my feelings and experience.

However, God’s word says that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. 

His word says that He has given us life abundant!

If so, then, where is it?

If it’s not here, then we must examine ourselves.

Now, that's not to diminish the pain and travail of awaiting the birth of what God has impregnated. 

I know firsthand that there are days when the vision is so dim that you wonder if you ever had it right.  And, there are days that the weariness of waiting without fruition nearly consumes all the strength you can muster.

Also, God allows discomfort and dissatisfaction in certain situations for His purposes—perhaps to propel us to a place of greater obedience or to illustrate His desires as we seek discernment. 

But, when we live in the future, in the "what ifs and what could be", and we don't embrace and value what He's given us in the present, we're missing it.

Further, when we're continually making our trials and lack of ability to be satisfied with our lives about us, we're missing it.  

A wise, godly friend of mine, Joy, has taught me that as believers, our lives are about being present in the moment and ministering to others.  

If we are in a tough place, it's not all about what He wants to do in us, change in us, or produce a certain behavior in us.  

He will take care of that as we yield to Him.  

We are to give our lives away with abandon, each day, for Him to be in us.

That is the essence of our ministry. 

And, our act of ministry is whatever we find to do that day. 

The Bible says that it may be as simple as a "cup of cold water".

His spirit continued to rush over me.  And, in my newly-found humility and understanding, I repented.

I repented for manufacturing, in my mind, a life that would please me and, presumably, Him.  

I didn't realize that the pictures and scenarios in my mind were birthed from the people and programs of my experience.  I picked the parts I liked and planted myself in them with my own personalized twist.  

This was all my doing, not His.

As His spirit continued to wash over me, He showed me that He had given me the desires of my heart.  He had given me opportunities to do what I loved.

And I walked in them.

He had given me above and beyond what I could have ever dreamed or asked.  

So, what was the problem? 

The problem was that they weren’t given to me in the context or capacity that I wanted.  

He didn't satisfy the criteria of what I had presented to Him.  

And, all along, my mind—my flesh—was telling Him, "That's not enough.  I don't care what You have for me.  

What's next?!"

How rebellious and ungrateful I was.

So, the truth is, He did see me.  He did hear me.  He had been faithful to me! 

You see, the Enemy wants us to think that God is not who He says He is.

And, when we accept that lie, either consciously or subconsciously, we begin to embrace discouragement and distance ourselves from God.

When we assert that posture, we take ourselves out of the Kingdom of God, and we live for ourselves, not Him. 

We’re telling Him, “I know better”.

It’s so subtle.  Yet it has serious, all-encompassing consequences.

There’s more I’d like to tell you about my journey.  I hope that you are encouraged, and discover truths that, in the past, may have been overlooked.

My desire is that you, too, know the freedom that comes from letting go and letting God reign in your life.

(To Be Continued)

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Are You Ready To Do Something? Part II

He’s standing there with me, as a father with his daughter, holding my hand. 

He reminds me of His word, radiant and alive before us.  Opened to chapter and verse, He looks at me, to be sure I’m paying attention, and points to it.  

He says, “See?  See it?!”

I knew, without Him saying another word that it never changed.  It never went away. 

It was always there.

Immediately I was taken back to a concert I attended my freshman year in college.  One of my favorite recording artists, Margaret Becker, was playing at my school.  The setting was small and intimate, and in between songs she spoke to us as a trusted friend. 

That night I learned that she, too, had endured a time of waiting and watching to see what God would do with heart’s desires committed to Him.  

For years she cried out to God for a music career.  It was all she ever wanted to do.  The longing was so strong and painful that she wondered if God saw her, if He cared.  

During her time of waiting she worked at a department store in a position that she absolutely abhorred.  She was miserable, and wondered if she would ever get out of there.  She struggled daily to maintain the hope of having the music career that she wanted more than anything.

But, God is full of compassion, and He didn't leave her in that dark place.  He met her one day at the department store to reassure her of His love.

One morning at work, as Margaret bent over to pull up her stocking, God spoke to her spirit.  

He said, "I see you."  

That moment she knew that God had heard her prayers and had seen her suffering.   And, she knew that He was acting on her behalf.

As I heard those words, they pierced my heart and lighted inside.  It was as if God were speaking them to me, too.

You see, I have treasured Psalm 37:4 in my heart since I was a child.  It was one of the first scriptures that I memorized as new believer.  

It says, “Delight yourself (be yielded and pliable like clay) in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  That scripture comforted me in every season of my life.

To me, the scripture meant that as I served Him, He would give me that which I desired.  Not that His giving me those things would be a result of what I did.  But, rather they would be the product of my being yielded to Him.  It would be the infilling of His desires for me.

And so, as desires formed in my heart, I would submit them to God.  They were my offering.  I knew that whatever was of Him would live, and out of the ashes His plan would rise.  

But, along the way, as certain desires didn't materialize, painful wounds grew and festered inside.  And, though I was not aware of it at the time, I felt that God had abandoned me.

I knew His word.  It was the filter for all things in my life.  I knew that it said that He would never leave me, never forsake me.  But, somehow I had parceled out the things I didn't understand.  And, although (it seemed) I was laying everything on the altar of sacrifice, the desires that didn’t materialize continued be very painful and tender.

Frustration and anger grew. 

Hadn't I yielded to God?  Wasn’t I pliable in His hands? 

Then, why did those desires still burn, painfully in my heart?

Perplexed and brokenhearted, I filed away the parceled pieces of my heart.  They were sent to the "X Files”, and never to be seen again, I concluded.

But, oh how the pain ensued!  Further, adding insult to injury was that I couldn’t make sense of it.

I lived my life unto God.  Wasn't that enough to deliver me from this tribulation and pain?

As a mature believer, I knew the course of action.  In fact, I could counsel someone in my place.  I knew exactly what to tell them:

“Give it to God.  Trust Him with it.  In the meantime, be content.  Choose joy.”

Yet, it continued to gnaw at me.  I was acutely aware, every day, of the answers I lacked.  

The weight of the missing pieces nearly crushed my worn, weathered spirit.  I had searched and examined every prospect, avenue, source—whatever I could find.

So, why was He withholding them from me?!

(To be continued)

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Are You Ready To Do Something? Part I

Is there something you’d like to be doing but don’t know where to start?

Perhaps you’re not sure yet what you want to do, but you’re ready to make a change?

If you’re seeking answers to those questions, welcome to the journey! : ) 

Welcome to the place where faith meets the road less traveled!  It’s a true adventure, full of unknowns, yet accompanied by our great and mighty God.

As children of God, we have been etched in His design.  Proverbs 16:4 says that the Lord has made everything for its own purpose.  Further, our purpose as believers is found in Ephesians 2:10, “For we are His workmanship, created in Yeshua, Jesus unto good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  We rejoice in that we were created by God to accomplish His plan for our lives. 

But, I’ve been wondering, what is the context, or backdrop for my works?  What have I been designed to do?  And, if God has an appointed time for everything according to Ecclesiastes 3:1, then how do I discern and steward those appointed times?

After sending-up persistent prayers to God, a window of understanding recently opened for me.  And, it continues to slowly unfold as a flower, revealing small portions at a time.  It began with a phone conversation with my friend who is like a mother. 

“Somebody’s got to do something!” she said.  She wasn’t referring to my life but a situation in hers.  Ever since that conversation it’s as if someone were yelling and screaming it from the floor of the canyon-like landscape of my heart. 

No doubt, this was the proverbial swift kick in the pants.  I knew it was my time to do something!  But, what exactly was I supposed to do?  I had no idea how to proceed.

A while back my husband and I were invited to lunch by our new friends, Mr. and Mrs. McCormick.  As we left the restaurant I noticed Mr. McCormick’s watch had a compass on it.  My eyes honed-in on “N” for North.  In that moment it was True North to me.

Then I heard in my spirit, “He can give you direction.  Ask him.”  So, I asked if he could give me some career counseling.  His face lit up with a smile.  He enthusiastically said, “That’s what I do!”  So, we made plans to meet.

In our first meeting I showed Mr. McCormick my résumé and talked to him about my interests, as well as desires for ministry.  I told him that lately my career pursuits felt heavy.  He immediately interjected and exhorted me.  He said that God does not intend for our lives to be heavy! 

He asked me if I knew my mission and calling.  I didn’t know what he meant, so I asked him to explain.  He said that what we do, what I call the “backdrop”, is our mission and calling.  I told him that I only knew bits and pieces of it.


He asked me two questions:

“What do you love to do?”

“What would you do even if you didn’t get paid to do it?”

I was stumped!  I tried so hard to fathom the idea of doing what I loved and making a living at it.  But, I had nothing!


I immediately thought of needs that I could fill that correlated with my background and experience and drew upon my education.  

But, Mr. McCormick said that having a burden or an ability to fill a need were not grounds for determining mission and calling.

Choosing a vocation had become cerebral.  I pursued that which was conventional, lest I appear capricious and lacking wisdom.

But, Mr. McCormick said that mission and calling is indicated, defined, and fueled by passion.

For me, having a passion was no problem.  I had passion for many things—Israel, music, vintage jewelry, and so on.  But, the burning question was, what would I do if money were not an issue?  What would I do for the sheer love of it?  

I have ruminated on that question many times before, but I never got definitive answers.  I have tried to capture the “ideal job” in my mind but haven’t yet. 

Meanwhile, I have been watching and waiting with expectancy.

To say that it bothered me would be an understatement.  It gnawed at me something fierce!  I didn't understand why God would allow me to seemingly flail.

What I longed for was a vocation that flowed with ease and enjoyment.  I tried so hard to figure it out.  

Something must be wrong with me, I thought. 

  

Mr. McCormick gave me some homework, exercises and questions to decipher and decode the desires buried deep in my heart.


Each one chipped away the layer upon layer of sediment—the assessments, disbelief, and pride that had formed in my heart, replacing particles of childlike faith. 

At last, my dusty, cloudy spiritual spectacles were cleaned.


And, there He was, El Roi, the God Who Sees Me.

(To Be Continued)

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What Are the Desires of Your Heart?

Has it been a long time since you stretched your faith?  Left your comfort zone?  Stepped out, not knowing where you will land?  

What about answering the deep callings of your heart? 

What would you do for the sheer love of it?  If you could do anything, what would it be? 

Is it time to do something?

If so, then join me on this new leg of life's journey!  : )

Is there a desire, a calling within that's stirring?  Could God be drawing it out, bringing it forth now?  

Could this be the time for you to prepare or begin moving in that which brings you so much life and enjoyment?  

Does God want you to nurture and pursue those things that you love to do? 

Those are great questions, aren't they?  I have been asking them myself for some time now.  Furthermore, I wanted to know what God had to say.  Since He created all things, He alone knows the purposes and plans for my life better than I. 

And, what about Psalm 37:4?  It says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  That verse has been embedded deep within my heart since I was a teenager.  Yet, I have struggled with its application at this juncture in life.

For years I have watched and waited for creative opportunities to present themselves.  I thought that they would dramatically appear—as a sign to assure me that I was on the right path.  

But, I didn't realize that I was simply gravitating towards ready-made endeavors, avoiding risk and resistance, thinking it wise.

Now, I see that my attitudes and reasonings built barricades in my mind—in my heart, squelching my creativity and stunting my testimony. 

The more I let go of my own assessments and self-imposed limitations, the more I grew in the liberty that had been mine all along, for the taking, 

And, then I saw the chains fall away and disintegrate.

From that place of liberation, I began thinking outside the box.  I delved into what was in my heart. 

There, in my heart, were words of life that had been burning in me.

You see, I’ve had this indelible desire to write since I was a young girl.  My earliest recollection was keeping a journal in elementary school.  I was faithful to write in it nearly every day.  I still keep one today.

Since becoming a believer in my teenage years there has been a redemptive thread woven throughout my writing.  It's as if my spirit were transcending the natural, speaking through pen and paper, reminding me of the goodness and faithfulness of God, whatever my lot.

There is a Chinese proverb that says, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  Sometimes the first step is the most difficult.  It might involve counting the cost, making a commitment, facing fears, and so on.  

I have considered those things and more while contemplating these words you're reading now.  However, this time, rather than waiting on an opportunity to present itself, I created one. 

This is my first step, my first blog ever!  : )  

But, this venture is not just for me.  It’s also an invitation for you to journey, seek, and discover the beautiful jewels meant to be enjoyed, celebrated, and shared in this life!

Perhaps it's time to take a peek inside the corridors and rooms of your heart and shine a light on those things that have been covered-up, dormant, and laid at the altar of sacrifice.

                                                                         

It might be difficult at first to revisit those things that have long been surrendered to God.  

But, take comfort in knowing that He has walked with you, every step of the way.  His word says that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. 

As we seek Him, and become pliable in His hands, our desires become His desires for us.  But, most of all He wants us to be completely His, a living sacrifice to Him, for His purposes.

Throughout the Bible there is a recurring theme of surrender.  Our God is a jealous God.  He is zealous for our heart, all of it.  And, as we walk with Him and mature in the letting go, we receive the joy that strengthens us, sustains us, and causes us to overcome.  

Is He speaking to you about a desire of your heart?  Are you willing to explore unchartered territory?

If so, what will be your first step?

Begin to thank Him for His faithfulness, and be prepared to see His goodness in this life!  

And, yes, rejoice in new beginnings! : ) 

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