Are You Ready To Do Something? Part II

He’s standing there with me, as a father with his daughter, holding my hand. 

He reminds me of His word, radiant and alive before us.  Opened to chapter and verse, He looks at me, to be sure I’m paying attention, and points to it.  

He says, “See?  See it?!”

I knew, without Him saying another word that it never changed.  It never went away. 

It was always there.

Immediately I was taken back to a concert I attended my freshman year in college.  One of my favorite recording artists, Margaret Becker, was playing at my school.  The setting was small and intimate, and in between songs she spoke to us as a trusted friend. 

That night I learned that she, too, had endured a time of waiting and watching to see what God would do with heart’s desires committed to Him.  

For years she cried out to God for a music career.  It was all she ever wanted to do.  The longing was so strong and painful that she wondered if God saw her, if He cared.  

During her time of waiting she worked at a department store in a position that she absolutely abhorred.  She was miserable, and wondered if she would ever get out of there.  She struggled daily to maintain the hope of having the music career that she wanted more than anything.

But, God is full of compassion, and He didn't leave her in that dark place.  He met her one day at the department store to reassure her of His love.

One morning at work, as Margaret bent over to pull up her stocking, God spoke to her spirit.  

He said, "I see you."  

That moment she knew that God had heard her prayers and had seen her suffering.   And, she knew that He was acting on her behalf.

As I heard those words, they pierced my heart and lighted inside.  It was as if God were speaking them to me, too.

You see, I have treasured Psalm 37:4 in my heart since I was a child.  It was one of the first scriptures that I memorized as new believer.  

It says, “Delight yourself (be yielded and pliable like clay) in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  That scripture comforted me in every season of my life.

To me, the scripture meant that as I served Him, He would give me that which I desired.  Not that His giving me those things would be a result of what I did.  But, rather they would be the product of my being yielded to Him.  It would be the infilling of His desires for me.

And so, as desires formed in my heart, I would submit them to God.  They were my offering.  I knew that whatever was of Him would live, and out of the ashes His plan would rise.  

But, along the way, as certain desires didn't materialize, painful wounds grew and festered inside.  And, though I was not aware of it at the time, I felt that God had abandoned me.

I knew His word.  It was the filter for all things in my life.  I knew that it said that He would never leave me, never forsake me.  But, somehow I had parceled out the things I didn't understand.  And, although (it seemed) I was laying everything on the altar of sacrifice, the desires that didn’t materialize continued be very painful and tender.

Frustration and anger grew. 

Hadn't I yielded to God?  Wasn’t I pliable in His hands? 

Then, why did those desires still burn, painfully in my heart?

Perplexed and brokenhearted, I filed away the parceled pieces of my heart.  They were sent to the "X Files”, and never to be seen again, I concluded.

But, oh how the pain ensued!  Further, adding insult to injury was that I couldn’t make sense of it.

I lived my life unto God.  Wasn't that enough to deliver me from this tribulation and pain?

As a mature believer, I knew the course of action.  In fact, I could counsel someone in my place.  I knew exactly what to tell them:

“Give it to God.  Trust Him with it.  In the meantime, be content.  Choose joy.”

Yet, it continued to gnaw at me.  I was acutely aware, every day, of the answers I lacked.  

The weight of the missing pieces nearly crushed my worn, weathered spirit.  I had searched and examined every prospect, avenue, source—whatever I could find.

So, why was He withholding them from me?!

(To be continued)

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