Are You Ready To Do Something? Part III

As the struggle persisted, I became more vulnerable to the opinions and criticism of others, as well as the closed doors in its wake.  

At that time I didn’t realize that much of my frustration was the result of my own weakness—my vanity.

My pride was on the line, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

But, now understand more about the Kingdom of God. 

According to Romans 8:28, all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. 

And, if I have died (to myself) and been raised again, there is no shame.  

Someone once said that the only thing to be ashamed of is sin.  And, I have treasure those words ever since.

For many years I harbored pain and disappointment because God didn’t give me the life I imagined.  So, I rendered Him passive and uncaring.

However, now I see that it was I who abandoned Him.

Permit me to explain.  

His word says that His ways are higher than ours, and His thoughts are not ours.  He withholds no good thing from those who love Him.  

He has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness.  

So, why had I been discounting the journey?  

Why had I been looking and reaching for a life that was somewhere in the future—as if the "blessings of God" were there, not here?

It always bothered me when Christians talked about "finding God's will" for their lives.  They made it out to be something complex and laborious, as if God were hiding it from them.   

And, then there were those who spoke of “fulfilling their destiny", in ministry or otherwise, with such spectacular and sensational vernacular.  For some, it was more along the lines of a fantasy—resembling nothing in their current lives.

I could never reconcile the disconnect—the incongruence, and most of all, the respecting of time.

Their destiny was never something they were experiencing in the now, but it was out “there”. 

It was something intangible, something to be acquired, to be obtained.

Yet, God was showing me that I, too, was like them.

I had been deceived in thinking that my discontentment was justified because I was on my way to something better. 

Certainly God understood! 

I thought. 

Wasn’t it OK to despise my condition?

I mean, wouldn’t my thoughts and dialogue with God mimic those of the people of the Bible who harbored a dream, a vision given to them by God?

Couldn’t they commiserate with me? 

What about Joseph?  He held his dream in his heart for years while suffering in prison.  What about Sarah and Abraham?  They were given a promise at, what seemed like, the most inopportune time, and then told to wait for their child of promise.

There’s no doubt that they could relate to my feelings and experience.

However, God’s word says that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. 

His word says that He has given us life abundant!

If so, then, where is it?

If it’s not here, then we must examine ourselves.

Now, that's not to diminish the pain and travail of awaiting the birth of what God has impregnated. 

I know firsthand that there are days when the vision is so dim that you wonder if you ever had it right.  And, there are days that the weariness of waiting without fruition nearly consumes all the strength you can muster.

Also, God allows discomfort and dissatisfaction in certain situations for His purposes—perhaps to propel us to a place of greater obedience or to illustrate His desires as we seek discernment. 

But, when we live in the future, in the "what ifs and what could be", and we don't embrace and value what He's given us in the present, we're missing it.

Further, when we're continually making our trials and lack of ability to be satisfied with our lives about us, we're missing it.  

A wise, godly friend of mine, Joy, has taught me that as believers, our lives are about being present in the moment and ministering to others.  

If we are in a tough place, it's not all about what He wants to do in us, change in us, or produce a certain behavior in us.  

He will take care of that as we yield to Him.  

We are to give our lives away with abandon, each day, for Him to be in us.

That is the essence of our ministry. 

And, our act of ministry is whatever we find to do that day. 

The Bible says that it may be as simple as a "cup of cold water".

His spirit continued to rush over me.  And, in my newly-found humility and understanding, I repented.

I repented for manufacturing, in my mind, a life that would please me and, presumably, Him.  

I didn't realize that the pictures and scenarios in my mind were birthed from the people and programs of my experience.  I picked the parts I liked and planted myself in them with my own personalized twist.  

This was all my doing, not His.

As His spirit continued to wash over me, He showed me that He had given me the desires of my heart.  He had given me opportunities to do what I loved.

And I walked in them.

He had given me above and beyond what I could have ever dreamed or asked.  

So, what was the problem? 

The problem was that they weren’t given to me in the context or capacity that I wanted.  

He didn't satisfy the criteria of what I had presented to Him.  

And, all along, my mind—my flesh—was telling Him, "That's not enough.  I don't care what You have for me.  

What's next?!"

How rebellious and ungrateful I was.

So, the truth is, He did see me.  He did hear me.  He had been faithful to me! 

You see, the Enemy wants us to think that God is not who He says He is.

And, when we accept that lie, either consciously or subconsciously, we begin to embrace discouragement and distance ourselves from God.

When we assert that posture, we take ourselves out of the Kingdom of God, and we live for ourselves, not Him. 

We’re telling Him, “I know better”.

It’s so subtle.  Yet it has serious, all-encompassing consequences.

There’s more I’d like to tell you about my journey.  I hope that you are encouraged, and discover truths that, in the past, may have been overlooked.

My desire is that you, too, know the freedom that comes from letting go and letting God reign in your life.

(To Be Continued)

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Are You Ready To Do Something? Part II

He’s standing there with me, as a father with his daughter, holding my hand. 

He reminds me of His word, radiant and alive before us.  Opened to chapter and verse, He looks at me, to be sure I’m paying attention, and points to it.  

He says, “See?  See it?!”

I knew, without Him saying another word that it never changed.  It never went away. 

It was always there.

Immediately I was taken back to a concert I attended my freshman year in college.  One of my favorite recording artists, Margaret Becker, was playing at my school.  The setting was small and intimate, and in between songs she spoke to us as a trusted friend. 

That night I learned that she, too, had endured a time of waiting and watching to see what God would do with heart’s desires committed to Him.  

For years she cried out to God for a music career.  It was all she ever wanted to do.  The longing was so strong and painful that she wondered if God saw her, if He cared.  

During her time of waiting she worked at a department store in a position that she absolutely abhorred.  She was miserable, and wondered if she would ever get out of there.  She struggled daily to maintain the hope of having the music career that she wanted more than anything.

But, God is full of compassion, and He didn't leave her in that dark place.  He met her one day at the department store to reassure her of His love.

One morning at work, as Margaret bent over to pull up her stocking, God spoke to her spirit.  

He said, "I see you."  

That moment she knew that God had heard her prayers and had seen her suffering.   And, she knew that He was acting on her behalf.

As I heard those words, they pierced my heart and lighted inside.  It was as if God were speaking them to me, too.

You see, I have treasured Psalm 37:4 in my heart since I was a child.  It was one of the first scriptures that I memorized as new believer.  

It says, “Delight yourself (be yielded and pliable like clay) in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  That scripture comforted me in every season of my life.

To me, the scripture meant that as I served Him, He would give me that which I desired.  Not that His giving me those things would be a result of what I did.  But, rather they would be the product of my being yielded to Him.  It would be the infilling of His desires for me.

And so, as desires formed in my heart, I would submit them to God.  They were my offering.  I knew that whatever was of Him would live, and out of the ashes His plan would rise.  

But, along the way, as certain desires didn't materialize, painful wounds grew and festered inside.  And, though I was not aware of it at the time, I felt that God had abandoned me.

I knew His word.  It was the filter for all things in my life.  I knew that it said that He would never leave me, never forsake me.  But, somehow I had parceled out the things I didn't understand.  And, although (it seemed) I was laying everything on the altar of sacrifice, the desires that didn’t materialize continued be very painful and tender.

Frustration and anger grew. 

Hadn't I yielded to God?  Wasn’t I pliable in His hands? 

Then, why did those desires still burn, painfully in my heart?

Perplexed and brokenhearted, I filed away the parceled pieces of my heart.  They were sent to the "X Files”, and never to be seen again, I concluded.

But, oh how the pain ensued!  Further, adding insult to injury was that I couldn’t make sense of it.

I lived my life unto God.  Wasn't that enough to deliver me from this tribulation and pain?

As a mature believer, I knew the course of action.  In fact, I could counsel someone in my place.  I knew exactly what to tell them:

“Give it to God.  Trust Him with it.  In the meantime, be content.  Choose joy.”

Yet, it continued to gnaw at me.  I was acutely aware, every day, of the answers I lacked.  

The weight of the missing pieces nearly crushed my worn, weathered spirit.  I had searched and examined every prospect, avenue, source—whatever I could find.

So, why was He withholding them from me?!

(To be continued)

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